Arnold Swarzenegger's election as Governor of California clinches it - reality is sucking the humour out of me. For a week and a half I've been deathly unfunny, and now I know why. All the zany quip-meister cracked-perspective off-the-wall laff-riots that usually flow out of me like killer ants swarming from the mouth of a dead and bloated capybara* have been leached out of me and embedded in the real world. I am hollowed out by the abject stupidity of the objective universe. Do not ask for whom the squeaky-toy squeaks, it squeaks for thee. And by thee, I mean me, obviously. I'm going to drown my sorrows in custard and rum. I suggest you do likewise.

*See! It took me four minutes to pick "capybara" and there are funnier animals. Madness, madness!