Yeah, I'm still breathing. Apropos of nothing, here's a report about Anton Chekov's book-signing appearance at Barnes and Noble.

“Hello, my friends. I am so happy to be here with you in New York City. I arrived in this country only last Sunday and your dynamic, young president welcomed me to America by inviting me to the White House and presenting me a gift. In Russia we have a custom of exchanging gifts. If someone gives you a gift you should have something to give them. I had no suspicion that the president of the United States would give me a gift and so I had nothing to give him. When I opened the box and found this cowboy hat, I cleverly realized that if I had a new hat I would not need my old fedora, which, as everyone knows is synonymous with Chekov. My trademark hat. I removed my fedora, signed it with my autograph and presented it to the president. He accepted in most graciously. I was feeling very clever. He then turned to his aid and said, ‘Put this on the shelf next to Putin’s signed hat’. Putin… Putin… Putin is an idiot, a nincompoop. I actually did the same thing that idiot did, and the other nincompoop did it first. ”

And a link to the Jesus Action Figure site. Have your fun, benighted infidels!